Well, here they are. I’ve just received these five exclusive screenshots from the new toned down version of Manhunt 2. I was only able to obtain them through the use of a super secret, mega press pass, known amongst gaming journalists as a Super Secret Mega Press Pass. For those of you wondering how to obtain this Holy Grail of game journalism, I will only say this: it is a long and arduous journey that will test your physical and mental capacities and push you to the very edge of your existence. Also, you need Microsoft Word and a printer. But that is all I will say! The rest must remain mysteriously shrouded in a shroud of mysterious mystery.

As for the screenshots themselves, I must say that I am extremely disappointed. I was sincerely hoping to be able to learn how to commit acts of extreme violence against my fellow human beings. I mean, what greater joy in life could there possibly be than beating someone senseless with a baseball bat? But now I might never even learn how to do that! Now, my bat will just sit in my closet, completely NOT covered in brain goo, for the rest of eternity. And that’s not all, either. I just hope Lil’ Dick’s DIY Castration Kits, Inc. has a good return policy.

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